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<!--Generated by Squarespace Site Server v5.9.1 (http://www.squarespace.com/) on Tue, 09 Feb 2010 12:58:58 GMT--><feed xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2005/Atom" xmlns:dc="http://purl.org/dc/elements/1.1/"><title>Jassackery</title><subtitle>Jassackery</subtitle><id>http://www.backcountrynotes.com/jassackery/</id><link rel="alternate" type="application/xhtml+xml" href="http://www.backcountrynotes.com/jassackery/"/><link rel="self" type="application/atom+xml" href="http://www.backcountrynotes.com/jassackery/atom.xml"/><updated>2009-11-12T02:19:04Z</updated><generator uri="http://www.squarespace.com/" version="Squarespace Site Server v5.9.1 (http://www.squarespace.com/)">Squarespace</generator><entry><title>The Sad Demise of Corn Man</title><category term="Corn Man"/><category term="humor"/><id>http://www.backcountrynotes.com/jassackery/2009/10/27/the-sad-demise-of-corn-man.html</id><link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="http://www.backcountrynotes.com/jassackery/2009/10/27/the-sad-demise-of-corn-man.html"/><author><name>Jay Henderson</name></author><published>2009-10-27T12:23:37Z</published><updated>2009-10-27T12:23:37Z</updated><content type="html" xml:lang="en-US"><![CDATA[<p><span class="full-image-float-right ssNonEditable"><span><img src="http://www.backcountrynotes.com/storage/jassackery/CornMan_00.jpg?__SQUARESPACE_CACHEVERSION=1256615539385" alt="" /></span></span>Corn Man was found yesterday morning, bereft of life.&nbsp; Foul play was immediately suspected.</p>
<p>A popular figure in the neighborhood, "Cornie" had last been seen the previous evening strolling down the sidewalk carrying a parcel.&nbsp; The police at first assumed that he had perished in a robbery gone wrong . . . but soon a more sinister theme emerged.</p>
<p><span class="full-image-block ssNonEditable"><span><img src="http://www.backcountrynotes.com/storage/jassackery/CornMan_01.jpg?__SQUARESPACE_CACHEVERSION=1256615587523" alt="" /></span><span class="thumbnail-caption" style="width: 450px;">The scene of the crime</span></span></p>
<p><span class="full-image-float-right ssNonEditable"><span><img src="http://www.backcountrynotes.com/storage/CornMan_02.jpg?__SQUARESPACE_CACHEVERSION=1256615633331" alt="" /></span><span class="thumbnail-caption" style="width: 225px;">Pumpkin Man</span></span>Suspicion began to center on Pumpkin Man, a long-time rival who had once declared Corn Man to be a "charlatan and a fraud." Pumpkin Man often claimed that he is "the true spirit of Halloween." "Pumpie" was taken in for questioning, but then he was released from police custody when a young woman of his acquaintance, Squash Blossom, provided an alibi for "the whole night long."</p>
<p><span class="full-image-float-left ssNonEditable"><span><img src="http://www.backcountrynotes.com/storage/jassackery/CornMan_03.jpg?__SQUARESPACE_CACHEVERSION=1256615825050" alt="" /></span><span class="thumbnail-caption" style="width: 225px;">Straw punks</span></span>The authorities then began inquiries into the activities of the Straw Punks, a group of rowdies who had been observed in the vicinity on the night in question, carrying rolls of toilet paper and cans of silly string.&nbsp; The investigation came to a sudden halt, however, when the medical examiner returned an initial finding of "acute alcohol poisoning." According to the M.E., "Cornie just got too happy and had too much of them good corn squeezins."</p>
<p>Friends and family are planning a roast in Corn Man's honor.</p>]]></content></entry><entry><title>Drive-By Bulbing Raises Mercury Fears</title><category term="CFL"/><category term="bulb"/><category term="humor"/><category term="jassackery"/><id>http://www.backcountrynotes.com/jassackery/2009/9/26/drive-by-bulbing-raises-mercury-fears.html</id><link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="http://www.backcountrynotes.com/jassackery/2009/9/26/drive-by-bulbing-raises-mercury-fears.html"/><author><name>Jay Henderson</name></author><published>2009-09-26T11:09:37Z</published><updated>2009-09-26T11:09:37Z</updated><content type="html" xml:lang="en-US"><![CDATA[<p><span class="full-image-float-right ssNonEditable"><span><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Energiesparlampe_01_retouched.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://www.backcountrynotes.com/storage/post-images/800px-Energiesparlampe_01_retouched.jpg?__SQUARESPACE_CACHEVERSION=1253963221834" alt="" /></a></span><span class="thumbnail-caption" style="width: 200px;">WMD in the wrong hands? (Image by Armin K&uuml;belbeck; click image for licensing information)</span></span>Six teenagers are under observation in a Benjaminville, Virginia, hospital following what appears to be the nation's first drive-by bulbing on Friday night. The incident, which happened near the entrance to a high school football game, has raised concerns of mercury poisoning from the exploded CFL light bulbs used by the perpetrators.</p>
<p>Sheriff Buford Chicane attempted to quell fears of gang-related violence.&nbsp; "This was just a bunch of jokers from the other high school," he told reporters. "And it ain't got nothin' to do with terrorism. Ya'll need to get a life."  The local chapter of the Natural Resources Committee disagreed, issuing a statement condemning "this obvious right-wing Republican ecoterrorist hate crime."</p>
<p>Billy Kidder, one of the victims, described his surprise at the attack.&nbsp; "We was talkin' about the game and stuff, and suddenly it was all, like, pop! pop! pop! We didn't know what it was at first, but when we seen it was them bulbs, we all ran." Police recovered a dozen CFL bulb bases at the crime scene. The evidence has been sent to the state forensic laboratory in Roanoke for analysis.</p>
<p>The Benjaminville Fire Department Hazmat Team cordoned off the area and was engaged in mercury containment and recovery operations until shortly past midnight.&nbsp; "We think it's under control," reported the team leader, Josh Hardee, "but limit your consumption of stray dogs or cats for a couple of weeks, just to be sure."</p>
<p>State Senator Goode Deeds announced that he would introduce a bill in the next session of the Virginia General Assembly to require background checks on buyers of CFL light bulbs and limit purchases to six bulbs per month.</p>]]></content></entry><entry><title>Bull and the electric fence</title><category term="electric"/><category term="fence"/><category term="humor"/><category term="joke"/><id>http://www.backcountrynotes.com/jassackery/2009/6/24/bull-and-the-electric-fence.html</id><link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="http://www.backcountrynotes.com/jassackery/2009/6/24/bull-and-the-electric-fence.html"/><author><name>Jay Henderson</name></author><published>2009-06-24T11:22:00Z</published><updated>2009-06-24T11:22:00Z</updated><content type="html" xml:lang="en-US"><![CDATA[<p><em>This story is from a letter I wrote to my children on September 29, 2001.&nbsp; Names have been changed to protect the guilty, but otherwise it is mostly all true.</em></p>
<p>As a kid, I didn&rsquo;t go in much for &ldquo;practical jokes&rdquo; . . . exceptions including one time when my obnoxious cousin Bull* drove me nuts bragging about how he was better, smarter, faster, and otherwise superior in every way. Bull was visiting the family farm in North Carolina with his parents that day. We were walking along a lane by a field where my grandfather had an electric cattle fence when Bull said, &ldquo;I wonder if that&rsquo;s on.&rdquo;<br /><br /> Now, while electric fences can be dangerous (a short circuit near the power source can be fatal to a man and is known by farmers as a &ldquo;death short&rdquo;), normally the amount of current going through the wire is very small. One reason for this is that cattle are far more sensitive than humans to electric current (a man can withstand a shock that would fell a steer several times his size). Another reason is that electric fencing relies on the element of surprise; animals don&rsquo;t expect the unpleasant tingle, so they learn to avoid it. You don&rsquo;t want to <em>kill</em> your cattle, see, just keep them in the pasture.</p>
<p>So if you knew that it was a low-voltage system, the standard method of testing whether your electric fence was on was to reach down and grab the wire; if it stung you, it was on. I knew that, but since Bull had spent his entire life, as far as I could tell, bragging and swaggering and admiring his reflection in mirrors, he didn&rsquo;t appear to know much of anything. So an evil thought crept into my mind; I resisted the temptation, if only briefly, but I was weak, so I gave in.<br /><br /> &ldquo;I wonder if that&rsquo;s on,&rdquo; Bull had said. I reached over and touched the wire. It was &ldquo;hot.&rdquo; &ldquo;Don&rsquo;t feel a thing,&rdquo; I told Bull. He reached over and grabbed the wire (he did this only, I knew in my heart, so that he could go back to the city and brag to his friends that he had <em>touched an electric fence and</em> <em>lived!</em>). Bull squealed like a piglet and jumped three feet in the air, waving his wounded hand and blowing on it as if to put out the flames. &ldquo;It&rsquo;s on!&rdquo; he glared at me. So I grabbed the wire and held on; I pulled it up a notch so he could see for certain I was making contact. Yup, it was on. &ldquo;Nothing,&rdquo; I lied; &ldquo;you sure are skittish, Bull.&rdquo; Not one to be known as "skittish," Bull grabbed the wire again and immediately repeated his piglet dance. I couldn&rsquo;t help laughing and took the resulting look on Bull&rsquo;s face as my cue to do the 100-yard dash back to the house.<br /><br /> Bull couldn&rsquo;t run as fast as he claimed, nohow.<br /><br />+ + +</p>
<p>* Bull - - not his real name, but a term of affection in honor of the credibility of his stories.</p>]]></content></entry><entry><title>You just can't fix stupid</title><category term="boneheadlines"/><category term="boneheadlines"/><category term="headlines"/><category term="humor"/><category term="humor"/><category term="stupid"/><id>http://www.backcountrynotes.com/jassackery/2009/2/13/you-just-cant-fix-stupid.html</id><link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="http://www.backcountrynotes.com/jassackery/2009/2/13/you-just-cant-fix-stupid.html"/><author><name>Jay Henderson</name></author><published>2009-02-13T04:18:30Z</published><updated>2009-02-13T04:18:30Z</updated><content type="html" xml:lang="en-US"><![CDATA[<p>&nbsp;There are times when a picture is worth a thousand words. &nbsp;Then, there are times when a headline is worth five words:</p>
<p class="EC_EC_EC_MsoNormal"><strong><em><span style="font-size: 130%;">You just can't</span></em></strong><strong><em><span style="font-size: 130%;">&nbsp;fix stupid . . .</span></em></strong></p>
<p class="EC_EC_EC_MsoNormal" align="center">&nbsp;</p>
<p class="EC_EC_EC_MsoNormal" align="center"><span class="full-image-block ssNonEditable"><img src="http://www.backcountrynotes.com/storage/jassackery/Altonattorney.jpg?__SQUARESPACE_CACHEVERSION=1234499029445" alt="" /></span></p>
<p class="EC_EC_EC_MsoNormal" align="center"><span style="font-size: 120%;">What goes around comes around!&nbsp;</span></p>
<p class="EC_EC_EC_MsoNormal" align="center">&nbsp;<span class="full-image-block ssNonEditable"><img src="http://www.backcountrynotes.com/storage/jassackery/countyfunds.jpg?__SQUARESPACE_CACHEVERSION=1234499246901" alt="" /></span></p>
<p class="EC_EC_EC_MsoNormal" align="center"><span style="font-size: 120%;">Did we elect these people??</span></p>
<p class="EC_EC_EC_MsoNormal" align="center"><span style="font-size: 120%;"><br /></span></p>
<p class="EC_EC_EC_MsoNormal" align="center"><span class="full-image-block ssNonEditable"><img src="http://www.backcountrynotes.com/storage/jassackery/civilwarplanes.jpg?__SQUARESPACE_CACHEVERSION=1234499427544" alt="" /></span>&nbsp;<em><span style="font-size: 120%;">Civil War planes?</span></em></p>
<p class="EC_EC_EC_MsoNormal" align="center">Let me know how that works out.</p>
<p class="EC_EC_EC_MsoNormal" align="center"><span class="full-image-block ssNonEditable"><img src="http://www.backcountrynotes.com/storage/jassackery/armyvehicle.jpg?__SQUARESPACE_CACHEVERSION=1234499554727" alt="" /></span></p>
<p class="EC_EC_EC_MsoNormal" align="center"><span style="font-size: 120%;">I'm saying GREAT paint job.</span></p>
<p class="EC_EC_EC_MsoNormal" align="center">&nbsp;<span class="full-image-block ssNonEditable"><img src="http://www.backcountrynotes.com/storage/jassackery/caskets.jpg?__SQUARESPACE_CACHEVERSION=1234499774284" alt="" /></span></p>
<p class="EC_EC_EC_MsoNormal" align="center"><span style="font-size: 120%;">'We had no idea anyone was buried there . . .'&nbsp;</span></p>
<p class="EC_EC_EC_MsoNormal" align="center"><span style="font-size: 120%;"><br /></span></p>
<p class="EC_EC_EC_MsoNormal" align="center"><span class="full-image-block ssNonEditable"><img src="http://www.backcountrynotes.com/storage/jassackery/tencommandments.jpg?__SQUARESPACE_CACHEVERSION=1234499911385" alt="" /></span></p>
<p class="EC_EC_EC_MsoNormal" align="center"><span style="font-size: 120%;">?</span></p>
<p class="EC_EC_EC_MsoNormal" align="center"><span style="font-size: 120%;">I didn't know we could choose.</span></p>
<p class="EC_EC_EC_MsoNormal" align="center"><span class="full-image-block ssNonEditable"><img src="http://www.backcountrynotes.com/storage/jassackery/poisoncontrol.jpg?__SQUARESPACE_CACHEVERSION=1234500068987" alt="" /></span></p>
<p class="EC_EC_EC_MsoNormal" align="center"><span style="font-size: 120%;">This one says it all.</span></p>
<p class="EC_EC_EC_MsoNormal" align="center"><span style="font-size: 120%;"><br /></span></p>
<p class="EC_EC_EC_MsoNormal" align="center"><span class="full-image-block ssNonEditable"><img src="http://www.backcountrynotes.com/storage/jassackery/policecomposite.jpg?__SQUARESPACE_CACHEVERSION=1234500232331" alt="" /></span>&nbsp;</p>
<p class="EC_EC_EC_MsoNormal" align="center"><span style="font-size: 130%;"><em>Please, anyone, if you've seen this man . . .</em></span></p>
<p class="EC_EC_EC_MsoNormal" align="center">&nbsp;</p>
<p class="EC_EC_EC_MsoNormal" align="center"><span class="full-image-block ssNonEditable"><img src="http://www.backcountrynotes.com/storage/jassackery/gunshop.jpg?__SQUARESPACE_CACHEVERSION=1234500366133" alt="" /></span></p>
<p class="EC_EC_EC_MsoNormal" align="center"><span style="font-size: 120%;">What are the odds of <span style="text-decoration: underline;">that</span>?</span></p>
<p class="EC_EC_EC_MsoNormal" align="center"><span style="font-size: 120%;"><br /></span></p>
<p class="EC_EC_EC_MsoNormal" align="center"><span class="full-image-block ssNonEditable"><img src="http://www.backcountrynotes.com/storage/jassackery/teenpregnancy.jpg?__SQUARESPACE_CACHEVERSION=1234500481813" alt="" /></span></p>
<p class="EC_EC_EC_MsoNormal" align="center"><span style="font-size: 120%;">I would have guessed 20.</span></p>
<p class="EC_EC_EC_MsoNormal" align="center"><span style="font-size: 120%;"><br /></span></p>
<p class="EC_EC_EC_MsoNormal" align="center"><span class="full-image-block ssNonEditable"><img src="http://www.backcountrynotes.com/storage/jassackery/onearmed.jpg?__SQUARESPACE_CACHEVERSION=1234500619908" alt="" /></span></p>
<p class="EC_EC_EC_MsoNormal" align="center"><span style="font-size: 120%;">Ok, that's just mean&nbsp;</span></p>
<p class="EC_EC_EC_MsoNormal">&nbsp;</p>]]></content></entry><entry><title>"A Little Levity"</title><category term="humor"/><id>http://www.backcountrynotes.com/jassackery/2008/11/23/a-little-levity.html</id><link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="http://www.backcountrynotes.com/jassackery/2008/11/23/a-little-levity.html"/><author><name>Jay Henderson</name></author><published>2008-11-23T02:21:45Z</published><updated>2008-11-23T02:21:45Z</updated><content type="html" xml:lang="en-US"><![CDATA[<p>James Shott of Bluefield has compiled a blogful of levity, including the occasional jassackery.&nbsp; Some samples:</p>
<p style="color: #006600; font-weight: bold;">&nbsp;<span style="font-size: 180%;">And That&rsquo;s How the Fight Started</span></p>
<p style="color: #006600;">When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive ... so, I took her to a gas station</p>
<p style="color: #006600;">And that's how the fight started.</p>
<p style="color: #006600;">&nbsp;</p>
<p style="color: #006600;">I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95. Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95. I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream.</p>
<p style="color: #006600;">And that's how the fight started.</p>
<p style="color: #006600;">&nbsp;</p>
<p style="color: #006600;">My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table. My wife asked, "Do you know her?"</p>
<p style="color: #006600;">"Yes," I sighed, "She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since."</p>
<p style="color: #006600;">"My God!," said my wife, "who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"</p>
<p>And that's how the fight started.</p>
<p>&nbsp;</p>
<p style="color: #000099; font-weight: bold; font-family: georgia;"><span style="font-size: 150%;">I Have Some Questions!</span></p>
<p style="color: #000099; font-family: georgia;">&nbsp;</p>
<p><span>If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea...does that mean that one out of five enjoys it?</span></p>
<p>&nbsp;</p>
<p style="color: #333399; font-family: georgia;"><span style="font-weight: bold; font-size: 180%;">The Confession</span></p>
<p style="color: #333399; font-family: georgia;">&nbsp;</p>
<p>There once was a religious young woman who went to Confession.</p>
<p>Upon entering the confessional, she said, &ldquo;Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.&rdquo;<br /><br />The priest said, &ldquo;Confess your sins and be forgiven.&rdquo;<br /><br />The young woman said, &ldquo;Last night my boyfriend made mad passionate love to me seven times.&rdquo;<br /><br />The priest thought long and hard and then said, &ldquo;Squeeze seven lemons into a glass and then drink the juice.&rdquo;<br /><br />The young woman asked, &ldquo;Will this cleanse me of my sins?&rdquo;<br /><br />The priest said, &ldquo;No, but it will wipe that silly smile off of your face.&rdquo;</p>
<p>&nbsp;</p>
<h3><span style="font-size: 150%;">The Marriage Counselor</span></h3>
<p>&nbsp;</p>
<p style="color: #990000;">A husband and wife go to a counselor after 15 years of marriage.</p>
<p style="color: #990000; font-family: georgia;">The counselor asks them what the problem is and the wife goes into a tirade, listing every problem they have ever had in the 15 years they've been married.&nbsp; She goes on and on and on.</p>
<p style="color: #990000; font-family: trebuchet ms;">Finally, the counselor gets up, goes around the desk, embraces the woman, and kisses her passionately. The woman shuts up and sits quietly in a daze.</p>
<p style="color: #990000; font-family: trebuchet ms;">The counselor turns to the husband and says "That is what your wife needs at least three times a week. Can you do that?"</p>
<p style="color: #990000; font-family: trebuchet ms;">The husband says, "I can bring her in on Monday and Wednesday, but on Friday I'm golfing."</p>
<p>FOR MUCH MORE, go to<a class="offsite-link-inline" href="http://alittlelevity.blogspot.com/" target="_blank"> A Little Levity</a>.</p>
<p>&nbsp;</p>]]></content></entry><entry><title>"No Beer, No Civilization" - - Now We're Talking!</title><category term="George Will"/><category term="beer"/><category term="civilization"/><category term="humor"/><id>http://www.backcountrynotes.com/jassackery/2008/7/12/no-beer-no-civilization-now-were-talking.html</id><link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="http://www.backcountrynotes.com/jassackery/2008/7/12/no-beer-no-civilization-now-were-talking.html"/><author><name>Jay Henderson</name></author><published>2008-07-12T04:17:00Z</published><updated>2008-07-12T04:17:00Z</updated><content type="html" xml:lang="en-US"><![CDATA[<div class="body">

 <p>Columnist George Will, ordinarily a dour fellow, has brightened my day with a column titled, <a class="offsite-link-inline" target="_blank" href="http://www.realclearpolitics.com/articles/2008/07/the_essential_beer.html">"Beer: Is There Anything It Can't Do?"</a>&nbsp;
Just when we thought that no-news-worth-printing stupefaction was
beginning to set in, just when we thought that we couldn't read one
more ominously-toned political piece from Will or Fred Barnes or
Michael Barone or Robert Novak, along comes George to explain why beer
- - good ol' beer - - is responsible for the rise of civilization.</p><p>Will's
piece was prompted Investors' Business Daily publishing a story which
referred to beer as a "nonessential item."&nbsp; Written, obviously, by
someone who was not from the Backcountry, or the South, or the Midwest,
or the Great Plains, or - - well, just about anywhere in the U.S.A.
except for the tonier parts California, Washington Deecee, and
metropolitan New York City - - some card-carrying member of the <em>brie</em> and <em>Chablis </em>crowd,
someone who never goes to baseball games or NASCAR races or
Fourth-of-July picnics.&nbsp; "Nonessential item" indeed . . . crazy talk
like that can get you pounded flat in these parts.</p><p>&nbsp;Will rightly states, "The development of civilization depended on urbanization, which depended on beer."&nbsp; <em>Just like some dissolute L.A. urbanite, to turn on brewski.&nbsp; Ignorance is not bliss, bubba.</em>&nbsp;
Will, continuing:&nbsp; "To avoid dangerous water, people had to drink large
quantities of, say, beer."&nbsp; And they learned to cook with it, too, as a
perusal of my Cooking area on this Website will show.&nbsp; George's wrap-up
is a dandy:</p><blockquote><p>So let there be no more loose talk --
especially not now, with summer arriving -- about beer not being
essential. Benjamin Franklin was, as usual, on to something when he
said, "Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be
happy." </p></blockquote><p>And while we're mentioning founding
fathers, let us not forget that Samuel Adams was a brewer, and a very
fine line of beers now trades on his name.&nbsp; Throughout the eastern
states, one happens upon this or that Colonial-era "Such-and-Such
Tavern."&nbsp; What do you <em>think</em> they served there to bring in the travelers?&nbsp; Buttermilk? To bone up on your history, see <a class="offsite-link-inline" target="_blank" href="http://www.beerhistory.com/library/holdings/greggsmith1.shtml">Brewing in Colonial America</a>, <a class="offsite-link-inline" target="_blank" href="http://www.beer-brewing-advice.com/American_Colonial_Beer.html">American Colonial Beer</a>, and <a class="offsite-link-inline" target="_blank" href="http://www.beerfestivals.org/reviews/reviews/early_years.html">Beer In America</a>
("beer helped fuel American independence . . . Lured by free beer,
colonial militiamen reported to their local tavern for drills<span style="font-family: Verdana;" size="2;">").</span></p><p>Well, it's hot and humid outside, so I'm off to mow the lawn - - perfect excuse for a cold one.&nbsp;</p>

 

 </div>]]></content></entry><entry><title>Osama - - A Game Of Solitaire</title><category term="card games"/><category term="games"/><id>http://www.backcountrynotes.com/jassackery/2008/7/1/osama-a-game-of-solitaire.html</id><link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="http://www.backcountrynotes.com/jassackery/2008/7/1/osama-a-game-of-solitaire.html"/><author><name>Jay Henderson</name></author><published>2008-07-01T22:15:11Z</published><updated>2008-07-01T22:15:11Z</updated><content type="html" xml:lang="en-US"><![CDATA[<p>I woke up early one morning - - February 21, 2004, to be exact - - and, for no good reason at all, invented a game of solitaire while having coffee. I call it &quot;Osama.&quot; Here is how it goes. <br /></p><p><strong>Cards:</strong> A standard 52-card poker/bridge deck, no jokers, well-shuffled. </p><p><strong>Object:</strong>&nbsp; To remove triplets of cards from a left-to-right layout so that only one card remains.<br /></p><p><strong>Rules:</strong> You are the Interrogator and you have in custody 52 suspects (in the form of the cards, of course). One of the suspects is <strong>Osama the Wily and Clever</strong>; he is well-disguised, but you are well-motivated to catch him, because there is a 25-million-drechma reward for his capture. <br /></p><p><u>To interrogate the suspects</u>, you deal them into a &quot;lineup;&quot; which is to say, you lay out cards in an overlapping line, left to right, beginning with four cards. Their stories &ldquo;add up&rdquo; and the suspects may be released when a combination of three cards adds to a total of 10, 20, or 30 points. Aces count as 1, face cards as 10. You may remove and discard, face-down, triplets of cards adding to 10, 20, or 30, by taking cards from <u>either end or both ends</u> of the lineup. Cards (suspects) thus discarded have been released from custody and may not be re-used during the game. <br /></p><p><strong>Example:</strong> For your initial lineup, you deal the following four cards: 7, 5, K, 5. You can remove and discard the 5, K, and 5, since they add to 20.<br /> </p><p><strong>Another example:</strong> you deal 3, 7, 9, Q. You can remove 3, 7, and Q. </p><p>When you cannot remove a triplet, you turn another card face-up on the right-hand side of the lineup. <strong>Example:</strong> The layout is 3, 7, 9, 7; nothing can be removed; then you turn a 9 from the deck, yielding the following lineup: 3, 7, 9, 7, 9; still nothing can be removed; then you turn a King; the lineup is now 3, 7, 9, 7, 9, K; you can remove 3, 7 from the left, K from the right. </p><p>There is <u>no limit</u> to the number of triplets you may remove between turning new cards. For example, you have the lineup 3, 7, 8, Q, 9, J, 4, 2; the next card you turn is a King, making the lineup 3, 7, 8, Q, 9, J, 4, 2, K; you can now remove 3, 7 from the left, K from the right, leaving 8, Q, 9, J, 4, 2; next, you can remove 8, Q from the left, 2 from the right, leaving 9, J, 4. When a breakthrough comes in your interrogation, you may find that you can remove several triplets before turning another card. </p><p>Okay so far? <strong>Recall the basic idea:</strong> you are removing &quot;suspects&quot; in triplets; there are 17 triplets plus one extra card in a 52-card deck; so once you've removed 17 triplets, the remaining card is Osama, and you're 25 million drechmas richer. <br /></p><p><strong>More rules:</strong> you <u>are not required</u> to remove a triplet, even if it adds to 10, 20, or 30; you can leave it in the lineup for further interrogation, if you wish. Also, you may remove cards only from the <u>ends</u> of the lineup; no interior card can be removed. So if you miss a triplet, you have to leave it and get back to it later, if you can. Example: in the lineup 3, 6, 6, 8, K, K, 4, you cannot remove the triplet 6, 6, 8; you missed it, so it stays until you can remove the 3. Another example: in the lineup 5, 9, K, 7, 10, 1, you cannot remove the 9 in order to make a triplet with the 10, 1 on the right. <br /></p><p>On the first run through the deck, you'll probably remove most, but not all, of the triplets. (It is possible to find Osama on the first run-through, but I estimate the odds against at around 400 or 500 to 1.) Although the triplets you have removed to the discard pile are gone from the game, those remaining in the lineup are still in custody; and, believe it or not, the odds are good that Osama is still among them. So simply reshuffle the remaining cards in the lineup and start again, dealing four cards, removing any triplet, and so on. Be careful, though; this is the point where Osama the Wily and Clever is most elusive, and even though you have him, he can easily slip through your grasp! If he escapes, you'll quickly reach the point where there are four or more cards remaining, but no possible triplets adding to 10, 20, or 30. Curses! You'll have to round up the suspects, reshuffle, and try again. <br /></p><p>The chance of catching Osama seems to be about 40 to 45 per cent; however, you can more or less double your success rate if you learn Osama's own rules. Here's the catch: <em>Osama's rules are secret</em>; you have to figure them out for yourself!<br /></p><p>Okay, okay, here's a hint: Osama's rules are inherent in the arithmetical properties of the standard 52-card deck of playing cards you are using. That's the only hint you're getting! <br /></p>]]></content></entry><entry><title>Neologisms</title><category term="neologism"/><id>http://www.backcountrynotes.com/jassackery/2008/7/1/neologisms.html</id><link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="http://www.backcountrynotes.com/jassackery/2008/7/1/neologisms.html"/><author><name>Jay Henderson</name></author><published>2008-07-01T14:15:10Z</published><updated>2008-07-01T14:15:10Z</updated><content type="html" xml:lang="en-US"><![CDATA[<p>A &quot;neologism&quot; is a new or made-up word, often referred to as a &quot;coined&quot; word.&nbsp; I'll add more from time to time. Feel free to suggest your own.&nbsp;</p><p><strong>Hallowthanksmaseventinester</strong>&nbsp; -&nbsp; It seems as if the US is moving in the direction of a holiday &quot;season&quot; that stretches from Halloween to Easter (check how many days your local government offices are closed during this period!), so I coined a term for the holiday season which seems to cover it and will save buying so many cards.</p><p>Sample usage:&nbsp; &quot;Happy Hallowthanksmaseventinester!&quot;</p><p>Derivation:&nbsp; <u>Hallow</u>een + <u>Thanks</u>giving + Christ<u>mas</u> + New Year's <u>Eve</u> + Val<u>entine</u>'s Day + Ea<u>ster</u>.<br /></p>]]></content></entry><entry><title>A. Jassackery - Definition</title><category term="humor"/><category term="neologism"/><id>http://www.backcountrynotes.com/jassackery/2008/7/1/a-jassackery-definition.html</id><link rel="alternate" type="text/html" href="http://www.backcountrynotes.com/jassackery/2008/7/1/a-jassackery-definition.html"/><author><name>Jay Henderson</name></author><published>2008-07-01T14:07:49Z</published><updated>2008-07-01T14:07:49Z</updated><content type="html" xml:lang="en-US"><![CDATA[<p><strong>jassackery</strong> (n.) - 1. good-natured tomfoolery; acting, in a humorous or inane way, as an obstinately overbearing bonehead.&nbsp; 2.&nbsp; behaving foolishly in public.&nbsp; The word was formed by corrupting the combination of &quot;jackass&quot; and &quot;[tomfool]ery.&quot;&nbsp; <br /></p>I coined this word in 2001 for an outing club event.&nbsp; Just for fun.&nbsp;&nbsp; I like &quot;jassackery&quot; because it is a bassackwards neologism (to wit: bassackwards jackassery = jassackery).&nbsp; Other than things I have written, I have found it used only twice since origination, and perhaps those were original uses themselves.<br /><br />]]></content></entry></feed>