Backcountry Notes

James Shott of Bluefield has compiled a blogful of levity, including the occasional jassackery.  Some samples:

 And That’s How the Fight Started

When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive ... so, I took her to a gas station

And that's how the fight started.

I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95. Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95. I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream.

And that's how the fight started.

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table. My wife asked, "Do you know her?"

"Yes," I sighed, "She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since."

"My God!," said my wife, "who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"

And that's how the fight started.

I Have Some Questions!

If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea...does that mean that one out of five enjoys it?

The Confession

There once was a religious young woman who went to Confession.

Upon entering the confessional, she said, “Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.”

The priest said, “Confess your sins and be forgiven.”

The young woman said, “Last night my boyfriend made mad passionate love to me seven times.”

The priest thought long and hard and then said, “Squeeze seven lemons into a glass and then drink the juice.”

The young woman asked, “Will this cleanse me of my sins?”

The priest said, “No, but it will wipe that silly smile off of your face.”

The Marriage Counselor

A husband and wife go to a counselor after 15 years of marriage.

The counselor asks them what the problem is and the wife goes into a tirade, listing every problem they have ever had in the 15 years they've been married.  She goes on and on and on.

Finally, the counselor gets up, goes around the desk, embraces the woman, and kisses her passionately. The woman shuts up and sits quietly in a daze.

The counselor turns to the husband and says "That is what your wife needs at least three times a week. Can you do that?"

The husband says, "I can bring her in on Monday and Wednesday, but on Friday I'm golfing."

FOR MUCH MORE, go to A Little Levity.